How do you know when it's time to leap?

Big life decisions are hard - here are a few things I've learned about making them.

When I talk to people about our move back to our hometown after living the entirety of our adult lives in another state, the first question I hear is usually why: why did you decide to move back? To which I distill our decision down to one word: family. Sure, there were several factors, but in the end the choice to take our well-established life and re-plant ourselves somewhere else—albeit in a place where we already had deep roots— was primarily driven by our desire to be near to family once again.

The second question I’ve noticed popping up is, how did you know it was time? And this question makes so much sense, when you think about it. Whenever I’ve observed someone else going through a big life change, it’s one of the first things I’ve wondered. How did they know? What precipitated the jump? It’s human nature to be curious about how we make big decisions.

So: how do you know when it’s time to leap?

Reflecting on the big (planned) life changes I’ve personally been through—like our move, deciding whether to have a third baby, leaving my job after 12 years, etc.—I can see that those decisions were years in the making. The seeds for each were planted long before the actual decision was made. It usually started with a stirring of an idea, and even if it waxed and waned over time, the idea would never fully go away. Maybe the idea had even been there all along, like a silent passenger on life’s journey, not really bringing much attention to itself but riding alongside me patiently… waiting for the right time to tap me on the shoulder and point the way down a different path.

With that said, here are a few ways that I’ve navigated “the leap” that I thought I’d share, in case you’re staring down a big decision of your own:

Ask yourself (truthfully): how long has this been on your heart? Take some quiet time to sit down and reflect on the decision you’re thinking about making. Has it been something that you’ve been ruminating about for a while? Something you’ve long dreamed of? Something you feel deep down has always been the way forward? As I mentioned above, and at the risk of sounding a bit woo-woo, I’ve found that when I get quiet and still with myself, there is a whisper of an answer there. Some might call it an inner compass. Some might call it a gut feeling. Gut feelings have always seemed to me to be instantaneous— “just go with your gut!” —but really, I think most of those instincts have probably been with us for a very long time. If you’ve thought about something for a while, you might be approaching the time to take the leap.

Write a pros/cons list. I’m well aware that this is not groundbreaking advice, but I feel like it’s one of those practices that is so old-school that it’s usually not taken seriously. For every big decision I’ve thought about making, I’ve written out (pen + paper!) a pros/cons list. The catch is: it’s not about looking at how many pros versus cons you have written down and basing your decision solely on that. It’s more helpful for clarity: getting all of the positives and drawbacks to the potential life change out of your head and onto a piece of paper in front of you makes everything more digestible.

Picture your future self. Sometimes big decisions are hard to make from the perspective of the current moment we’re in. Usually, they involve us leaving our comfort zones — making a career change, for instance, or starting from square one with a new baby when our other children are finally sleeping through the night. When we’re nestled into our comfort zone, it can be tough to want to leave it for the unknown… even when we may know we want something different or more for our future selves. So, when faced with your choice, picture yourself five or ten years down the road in both outcomes. Is the future you grateful you went back to school, because now you have the career you’ve always wanted? Is the future you thriving in an environment you had to take a risk to enter? Does the future you feel at home where you’ve moved, and content with your decision?

Pay attention to the “undeniable moment of must.” I just made up that saying, but another way you could think about it is like an aha-moment. In my own life, the idea of moving had always been there as a possibility (the silent passenger, remember?). And then, at some point, it began to tap me on the shoulder. And then, the thought demanded more and more attention, at which point my husband and I started to discuss it as an actual potential reality. But there were two moments that I will never forget, when I suddenly and acutely felt that it wasn’t an option: it was a must.

The first was during a solo trip home a full year and a half before we moved, when I was driving by myself in the car (honestly, when I have most revelations!) through the countryside where I grew up and it hit me: we need to move home. This is where my heart yearned to be. The second was on the anniversary of my dad’s death. During a walk around our then-neighborhood in New Jersey, I sent a text to my mom and my brother as I do each year on that date. I felt such a pull in that moment to be closer to them, and I knew then that we would be moving—it was no longer a matter of if, but when. Sure enough, six months later, the offer on our new house was accepted. In each of those scenarios, I remember this feeling of excitement washing over me when I thought about taking the leap, which I imagine is a pretty good indicator that you might be on the right path.

And if the must never comes? Then what? Then you go with it, because the absence of that inclination to leap is just as much of an answer as the inclination to leap itself. And, through it all, even though sometimes it’s hard, remember: trust the timing of your life.