I’ve been thinking a lot about change lately; maybe that’s because there has been so much of it for me personally, especially over the last couple of months. If you don’t already know, I’ll fill you in quickly: my young family of five (+1 rescue dog, Max) recently moved from NJ to PA. Specifically, we moved back to the place where my husband and I both grew up and where our families live. We had been away from “home” for 13 years and had created a really great life where we were, but being closer to family was something we had talked about for a long time. The opportunities arose one after another and we just kept saying “yes” until it was official: we were actually going to do it. We were moving!
Moving might not be a huge deal for some—though it is consistently listed as one of the top five most stressful life events—but for someone who has always felt pretty change-averse (hi, it’s me), it was really difficult for me to give up on all the good I knew we already had for the good that could be. That’s always the hardest part of taking a leap, no matter what it is, right? It’s the unknown, the old “devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.” In addition to being change-averse, I’ll admit I’m also a little superstitious; I found myself worrying that we’d jinx ourselves and risk what we had if we changed it. At first I thought it was all in my head, but as is almost always the case, we’re all more alike than we know and this aversion to change is real and human. This quote from Medium put it well:
Change aversion is similar to loss aversion (Kahneman & Tversky 1979) — we value something more if we already have it, and we don't like to experience loss. From this comes the assumption that we also don't like something we have or use to change significantly. In short, humans don't like change.
The piece goes on to say that humans do better with change if they feel like they’re in control of it, which makes total sense. But that part equating change to loss hit home… I had never heard it explained like that before.
So, flash forward about 7 weeks and here we are: we went through all of the most stressful and difficult parts of moving like buying and selling homes, packing and unpacking, saying goodbye to old friends and being the “new kids on the block” once again. I truly wasn’t sure how I would feel after the dust settled, but I’m sure it won’t come as a surprise to learn that I worried I wouldn’t—couldn’t—be as happy as I was where we were. It probably also won’t come as a surprise to learn that I was wrong: I feel so happy, so full, so at peace, and so grateful for this huge life change.
It made me realize that while something can be great, when we don’t dare to change, we may never know that it can be even greater. It’s so easy to stay in the same place, to stay comfortable and safe. And sometimes, that is the best call. But if you’re feeling pulled in another direction—I can’t believe I’m saying this—but I would make the change. I would encourage you to zoom out on your life (we spend so much time zoomed in… way in) and visualize the best things that could possibly happen if you go for it. And then I’d do just that.
“Life will change you, or you can change with life. We are in motion. Everything we know is always moving. We can wrestle with this energy or we can dance with it. The choice is completely up to you.” -Cleo Wade
P.S. A few pop culture things to catch up on…
Who has watched The Summer I Turned Pretty? I just finished up the second season and would love to hear your thoughts if you’ve seen it. (Also: Team Conrad or Team Jer?)
Finally saw Barbie! I went with my 9 year old and we both really enjoyed it. What struck me most was the rest of the audience in the theater: women from all different generations, laughing hysterically and also crying (not unlike myself during the montage scene of “real life” near the end of the movie. Sniff.)
Also finally finished the book I started before we moved, Lessons in Chemistry. I loved it, hated it, loved it again. It was infuriating to read, if I’m being honest. But it was also worth it. It’s hard to explain, haha - but let me know if you’ve read it! Next up: Happy Place. Love me some Emily Henry. :)
Happy weekend!