And suddenly you know: it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings. -Meister Eckhart
Last Friday marked the end of an era for me: it was my last day at the job I’ve had for the past 12 years. The exclamation point on a year filled with change, I put my notice in as the December holidays approached and as the final day grew closer I expected to feel unsettled, regretful, unsure — but instead I felt at peace.
I will miss my job. I will miss the company, the people, the industry, the routines, the challenge, the interesting projects, the camaraderie, and the comfort and familiarity (I already do!). But there are times when the universe speaks loudly enough for you to hear, and when it does, I’ve found it’s important to listen. Because I worked in the publishing industry, I feel it appropriate—even necessary—to also put it this way: it was a beautiful (and long) chapter filled with so much learning and so many experiences and memories… and now it’s time to turn the page.
But first, I reflect.
I started at the company as a book publicist when I was 24. I was only a couple of years out of college with an internship in PR and one other entry-level marketing job under my belt (that job is a whole story for another time, but let’s just say it was… character-building, haha). I remember feeling like I had no earthly clue what I was doing when I started.
Here’s the truth: I almost quit that first week. I hated the feeling of not knowing, being behind, fearing I was inadequate or ill-equipped and I was thisclose to immediately throwing in the towel. Luckily (in this case) I’m fairly stubborn and I had a desire to learn, and that was enough to keep me going little-by-little each day until one day I realized that I was doing the job with confidence. As a bonus, I was genuinely enjoying it.
Almost exactly a year later, I found out I was pregnant with our first baby—a baby we had planned for and dreamed of—and I was over the moon. I was also unsure of how I’d navigate this major life change with the job I had started only a year before and grown to really love. There were a couple of other women who were moms who worked for the company as freelancers at the time, and I really hoped that might work for me, too. Fortunately, work was supportive and gave the switch from employee to freelancer the green light. After my baby girl was born late that fall and I took a couple of months off for maternity leave, I started back up as a freelance publicist and that really changed the course of my life as I embarked on the adventure that is early motherhood.
I felt a deep pull to “be home” (I dislike that phrase, but again… a topic for another day!) with my kids. I knew in my heart that’s what I wanted most, and always had. But I also valued keeping my foot in the door professionally, and after my first baby I was really able to keep two feet in with a near full-time client load while also being with my daughter — a dream! I’ll never say it was easy or a perfect balance or anything close to it: for years, I took calls from my laundry room with my laptop propped up on the washer, regarded nap-time religiously writing countless press releases during that brief interlude when my babies slept, arranged NPR interviews from the playground with my cell phone lodged between my chin and shoulder, and after the kids were finally asleep at night I’d crack my laptop open and get back to work. I once had a client tell me I kept hours like a surgeon as I went back-and-forth with him over email at some ludicrous hour.… and he would have known, because he was a surgeon.
Those first few years were a whirlwind blending work and parenthood, and after I had my second baby I felt a pull to make yet another shift. Even though the elusive “balance” was long out the window, I knew I didn’t want to compromise the quality of my work or the time that I spent with my children — there’s that stubborn streak again. I reduced the amount of clients I worked with and started to be really judicious with and protective of my time, and I was so grateful to have the support of my husband and supervisors as I recalibrated once again.
In early 2020, before the c-word was part of our daily vocabulary, I was returning from a short maternity leave after having my third baby and felt that familiar pull: it was time to readjust once again. I approached my supervisors to see if there was a way for me to step away from publicity while fulfilling another need for the company. I was actually being trained to join the business development team when you-know-what hit early that March and the publishing industry, along with the rest of the world, went from a sprint to a slow crawl.
This was a fateful twist for me, too, as it presented an opportunity for me to instead help start a marketing department within the company, and I spent the next nearly four years creating and curating content, getting a blog and podcast back up-and-running, re-establishing creative partnerships, securing spots for industry presentations, spearheading a new webinar series, organizing charitable efforts, and helping to launch 25-year-anniversary initiatives and celebrations.
Looking back, there have been so many meaningful moments and projects. From working alongside the Bacon family, whose daughter’s life was taken in the Sandy Hook shooting, to share their beautiful Charlotte and her spirit with the world, to promoting important strategies to help kids manage their anxiety, to diving into the impressive imaginations of countless authors and the worlds of fiction they created, and many more… in their own way, each author and their story has left a lasting impression on me.
There are also a lot of downright fun memories I’ll never forget, like years of navigating the buzzing Book Expo America and meeting some of my favorite personalities and talents (Julianne Moore was my favorite!), or riding through the streets of Manhattan next to the creator of Saved by the Bell—where are my ‘90s kids at?!—for his press tour, or having the best time with colleagues at various retreats in Northern NJ, the Poconos, Philadelphia, and southwestern Florida. That team always knew how to have some fun. I hope that, for the rest of time, whenever they hear Journey’s “Small Town Girl” or Carly Rae Jepson’s “Call Me Maybe” …they think of me. ;)
Speaking of those people: even though it’s time for me to start something new, you never forget people you spent 1/3 of your life with, growing up alongside. They are an exceptional group and I will always be so grateful for them, for their support as I pivoted along the way, for the many things they taught me, and for the opportunities offered that led me to flourish not only as a professional but as a person. I will always be rooting for them.
And now, as the quote says, I trust the magic of beginning again. I’m excited to explore a new opportunity as a writer for an incredible non-profit fair-trade organization headquartered right here in my hometown, and to lean deeper into my own creative calling. Sometimes it’s scary not to know exactly what the future holds, but the not knowing is also one of the fun parts of life, if we allow it to be.
Thanks for allowing me to share this life update and to reflect, for supporting and celebrating me, and for coming along on my new journey. Know I’m always there to do the same for you.
You, my love, are so talented and gifted and I adore and admire you in more ways than you could ever realize! I’m anxious to follow along, thus being a small part of this next step in your journey!